I just came back from the movie theater with a lot of thoughts and concerns. I watched a Brazilian movie called “Men are from Mars…and that’s where I’m headed!”. Sigh. The plot line revolves around Fernanda, a 39 years old woman, who is a wedding planner but, oh irony, can’t find the man of her dreams. So she goes around sleeping with every men that’s nice to her – and daydreams about their “possible” life together. She realizes that all they want is a one night stand (ringing any bells, minions?) and constantly asks herself what all these women (the ones she plans the weddings for) have that she doesn’t.
Let’s get some things straighten out — clearly. Guys (99%of them) are never, I repeat, never nice and cute and funny to a girl unless they’re trying to hit that thing. The ultimate prize/goal is to get in your pants. Now, if you are sort of a clueless lady like myself, you won’t get the hints until he’s undoing your bra.
The thing is, my parents always taught me to treat other people the same way I expect them to treat me. So I’m usually (yes, usually, if you get in my nerves, a storm is coming your way pal/missy) very friendly, open, nice and funny to people; always willing to help others in whatever they need. What’s the problem, then? Problem is that, guys usually always mistake my kindness for flirtatious behavior. They understand that I’m opening an imaginary door that says: “hey, hit on me! Path’s clear!”. You can imagine my surprise. I had no idea. I’m also extremely slow at picking up “sexual-related signs”. Something to work on.
I honestly believe that the more you search/look for something, the less you’ll find it. So, desperate women out there, stop looking for Mr. Right. First of all, because he is not real; and second of all, because isn’t that just sad?!
No women and men should have to settle for less in any field of their lives. But, quoting a lovely movie “We accept the love we think we deserve“. (The Perks of Being a Wallflower) – Do you really deserve that? No? Then why did you take it?
More than once a friend of mine came to me crying and utterly depressed because she thought she had found the men of her dreams and it turns out he wasn’t. The number ONE complaint was “guys treat me like shit/have no respect”. A couple of tips for the ladies: if you put out the very first night, chances are it won’t last. He got what he wanted, you didn’t. Women need to learn to FIRST respect themselves if they want other people to do so. If you allow another person to be that intimate with you when you just met them, you’re only telling them (or at least that’s what they understand): “hey, I’m a slut and yes, I do sleep around- a lot”. If you keep it to yourself and he doesn’t call you again, it means he was actually looking for a slut. Why? Because that’s just the way some people are. Saddest part is, most of them don’t realize they act (or are) assholes. I came across something online that said: “When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. It is only difficult for the others. It is the same when you’re stupid”. And there’s also the fact that people don’t take well on criticism. It doesn’t matter if you tell them it’s constructive criticism — some will even tell you they welcome it — BULLSHIT. Nobody likes being critiqued, not even Mother Mary.
So, what can we do? Everyone has baggage from their relationships. They help us grow as humans and understand that maybe we needed to go through that to learn some self-respect and to live (and get along) with others.
I remain ever so hopeful, because when the day comes I lose my hope in humanity, well, I won’t be here anymore. It’s the little things that drive me. A child smiling, their laughter. Seeing younger generations sit with older ones to listen to their stories and maybe learn a couple of things. Human relationships are very complex, that’s what differs us from animals — have you seen dogs? They smell each others asses and if that’s good, they just go ahead and copulate. I not only need to smell the ass, but the face, the bathroom, the bedroom, the entire goddamn house. And because our relationships are so complex, they make us strive for more. And never should we stop. We can all be better. If you keep besting yourself, one day, you’ll find that person that also is excelling and together, you guys will be awesome.
Don’t settle. Be better than that. I have faith in you. We all do.